8/29/11

Trying to Shake that Feeling

Lately I've had a hard time shaking the feeling that I'm not where I am supposed to be. I've had this feeling for a while now, but whenever I try to leave something keeps me here. I don't want the fear of failing or being alone in the next step of my life to hold me back, but I won't lie and say that doing it all on my own doesn't scare the heck outta me. It's hard to be bold and leave everything I know when the direction I'm supposed to go isn't clear to me. And when I know I don't want to be alone. I've been struggling with where I thought my life would be at this time one year ago. I definitely didn't think I would be trying to figuring this out on my own. It's been discouraging, this feeling of being unsure of my place and my direction. But reading passage tonight lifted my burdens- even if it was just for tonight- it comforted me.

Psalms 143:8-10
" 8 Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing."

V8 reminds me that every morning I need to ask God to guide me and remind me of His love. It sounds ridiculous but it can be easily forgotten how loved we are.
V9 is a cry for help. No I don't have any out right enemies- besides myself doubt. There is no quicker way for me to become lost then when I get lost in the things that have hurt me or that I failed at. I said earlier that I am not where I thought I would be at a year ago. This is one of the biggest things I get stuck dwelling on mainly because the hopes I had for myself were raised high and I didn't get what I thought I was promised and deserved. I thought I knew where my life was going and I thought I knew what God was wanting for my life. I was wrong and I had a hard time accepting that I wasn't going to get the life that I wanted. The only one that can comfort me from that feeling of loss is God. He hides me and saves me from that.
V10 brings me to the realization that he has to be my teacher. I don't know what is going to come to me in life but he can teach and lead me in how I am to learn and grow from it all. But I have to let him lead me, and I have to have faith and firm belief in Him. I cannot bear to doubt Him or His word.


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